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The Chrissy Complex

You ever watched Love and Hip Hop?  You know, the “reality” show on VH1 that follows the lives of women who love and work in the industry?  Unless you’ve been under a rock, you’ve at least heard about it.  We talk about, laugh and joke at the lives of Chrissy, Olivia, Emily, Yandy, Erica, and Kimbella, but I think the one that catches my eye the most is Chrissy.

Chrissy reminds me of the average black female.  Loving, but aggressive.  Slightly confrontational. Lightening quick mind with a lightning quick mouth.  All of these things are good and bad, depending on who is talking.  The one thing that gets us talking is the fact that Chrissy has been with rapper Jim Jones for the better part of almost a decade, and she JUST got the ring this year.  For some people out there, it seemed preposterous; “Girl, why would you wait that long? Dogs ain’t that loyal!”  But the reason she caught so many women’s attention, including mine, was because her story is too far off from a personal one.

We all know a “Chrissy”.  She holds her man down.  She may nag, but it’s well-intentioned.  She assists in whatever hustle he may be involved in.  And she’s loyal. To a fault.  So loyal, you almost pity her, because you wanna shake her.  And chances are, if you don’t know a female like that *leans in* she may be you.   Hell, I know I’m her. I can’t really knock Chrissy.  My guy and I will be together five years this fall, and to many, including me, all that time without a ring is….asinine.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, the Chrissy Complex is rampant and real, and maybe that’s why we are so hard on her.  We see more of her in ourselves than we’d like to admit.

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We’ll Keep Holding On

Why are ya’ll holding on to the Chris Brown/Rihanna situation?  Seriously.

Like I said on the twitter, If Rihanna the pop star would have been Regina & Charles, the College Freshmen, half of you yamps wouldn’t give a shit.  Why? Because Rihanna and Chris fly first class and eat at Mr. Chow’s, while Regina and Charles eat in the cafe.

On the real.

How many of you, especially you self-righteous males out there, give of your time and effort to women’s shelters or other causes that deal with domestic violence?  How many of you have taken the time to mentor a young man who you SEE is talented, but on the path of destruction? How many of you are mentoring this young girls to let them know what is and isn’t appropriate in a relationship? Don’t worry. I’ll wait.

Then, for some reason, everyone is like “Oh, it’s rumored he is still seeing her”. Um, for that to happen, doesn’t that mean she has to AGREE TO IT? Once again, the self-righteous is placing blame on someone, when OBVIOUSLY she is okay with the situation.  But let’s go ahead and call it what it is: Black men are only mad when a female is getting beat up if she is 1) his mother 2) his sister or 3) someone he wants to dig into. Oh, that’s too randy for you? Sorry. It’s the truth. The only reason that 90% of the males give Chris Brown the flack that he gets is because they want to bone Rihanna. Has nothing to do with her virtue as a battered woman, or as a woman period. It’s pure. It’s simple. It’s carnal.

Oh, and for the record, hell yea that boy deserved a Grammy.  If Roman Polanski and Woody Allen can get Oscars and they molested little girls, I think he can get the Grammy.  Lil’ Wayne pops pills, has MULTIPLE baby mothers, and numerous felons under his belt, but no one complained when he got his Grammy.  Let this boy be great, something that he can’t be if we keep holding on.

Open Mouth, Insert Stacy Adams

Roland, Roland, Roland.

Now, look brotha, you know that I know that we know the type of world we live in.  You know it’s a hyper sensitive time in America, where everyone feels bullied and no one wants to hear mean words.  The days of playing “The Dozens” or joking the way you did are over. Unfortunately.

Personally, I was NOT offended by your statement on twitter. I do believe that you’ve probably tweeted worse, just as I have.  Was it “insensitive”? Sure. Physical harm to people is a serious thing. But homophobic? Nah. Not when I see gay females and males tweeting the word “Queer” as if it’s some term of endearment.  Not when I hear gay boys toss around the word ‘faggot’ like it’s someone’s name.  It’s not that serious.

But I will say this, sir. As a black male in media who works for…*ahem*…THE MAN, you should know better.  You defended Tracy Morgan’s little rant, and that put you on the hit list.  Actually, you are a black successful man, so you were already on the hit list.  THEN you defended Tracy, THEN you tried to backtrack. C’mon guy.  If you gone say it, then say it.  Don’t come out and try to say “Oh, this is what I meant.”

Hopefully, this little lesson is learned, the fiasco soon forgotten and we can go back to seeing you and your many ascots on CNN in the near future.  But hey, remember guy: There is no such thing as free speech, especially for the journalist.

The Things We Can’t Discuss

You know, the one things I love about my people is that we are a passionate people, and because of this, I really wrestled with how to write this in a way that made not only passion flare, but intelligence and thought processes.  I don’t know if I found that way or not, but here goes nothing::

We as black people can’t critique the things we love.  It’s not in us.  I don’t know why, and I don’t know how we think we are going to get better if we don’t, but we refuse to critique and take a good long look at the things we love.

Best example:: I’m in several groups on Facebook that are set up for discussion and the delivery of different information.  A few days ago, I ran upon an article that dealt with black women and the church.  While a lot of the information could be up for debate, the overall message was pretty solid.  Well, to me it was.  But what I learned while discussing this article with blacks from across the nation is that the critiquing the black church is like saying the black grandmother is wrong: You maybe right that she is wrong, but you better not say that she is wrong, because she is old and all-knowing.

I find the same goes with not only church, but politics as well.  Remember when Obama first got elected, and if you were black and said something that disagreed with his policy, your black card was almost revoked? Yea.  And don’t get it twisted, we are this bad with our Greek letters and music as well.

It’s like, we can’t discuss certain things if we aren’t speaking it like it’s the normal black rhetoric.  When are we going to wake up?

A Father’s Lesson In Love

Ah, Valentine’s Day.  The day when the married are obligated to be together and the single frantically scramble around so they won’t be alone.

I won’t lie. I’m pretty casual about the day.   Is it nice to have flowers and candy and romantic dinners? Sure. But I won’t die if I don’t get it. I won’t find him to be a complete ass hat if he doesn’t do anything for me.  But I know why this is.

See, when I was like….12….all my little friends had “boyfriends”.  It was a few days before Valentine’s Day, and all my friends were discussing their plans, or whatever plans 12 year olds can have for a such a day.  Due to my parents’ rules, having a boyfriend at 12 was SO out the question, yet I complained one year that all my friends had these things delivered to them at school, and I didn’t have anything, and it made me feel unwanted and unloved.

Now pay attention ladies and gents, because this is why I say all the time that little girls need FATHERS.

My father sat me down and said that a man’s physical or financial attention is not the end all, be all of what a woman is.  He carefully explained that he loved my mother because she loved herself and was steadfast in who she was.  He also explained that loving myself is the first step in not only self acceptance, but in Godliness. He detailed again why he didn’t want me to date until I was 16, and that I should never ever consider myself unlucky or not beautiful because I didn’t get a some material gift.

I felt better after that talk.  I really did.  My father always had ways of putting life into perspective, even if I didn’t agree with his ideal views.  But I won’t lie.  It felt pretty good to come home from school on Valentine’s Day to find balloons, chocolate and teddy bears on my bed, complete with cards from my father.

Kobe & Vanessa

Look, let’s keep it real.

1) Kobe’s an idiot. Dude, you are one of the hottest B-ball players in the world. Ain’t you from Italy, anyway. GO OVERSEAS AND CHEAT. Why were you cheating in the States?

2) Um. Where was your pre-nup, sir? If she was, and is, such a gold digger like people are putting out there, then you KNEW this day was coming.  Didn’t ya? Dummy.

3) California is a woman’s state.  Vanessa got the house, the car, and this dude’s pride.

4) Kobe been in the league almost 15 years. Why is he only worth 150 million? #QuestionINeedAnswered Dude, where is your money?

5) I think any woman who stays by a man’s side as he goes through a rape case, whether he did it or not, deserves half. I’m just sayin’.

Oh, and by the way, saying that you won’t get married because Kobe got a divorce is just as stupid as saying you’ll never ride in a car again because Princess Di had a car wreck.

The Politics of Red Tails

Oh, Hollywood, you sneaky little devil.

See, the entertainment industry is good for causing feuds between blacks.  For example, we beg for blacks to win Oscars, and when they do, it’s for roles like Denzel’s in Training Day or like Forrest Whitaker in Last King of Scotland.  Great that they won; but for the role they were in, not so much.  Such is what is going on with Red Tails, the newest movie about the Tuskegee Airmen.  But I must say, when it comes to entertainment, we aren’t happy with anything.

If it’s too realistic (ex: Precious), it’s called sad, and we will boycott. 

If another race is made out to be the “great help” (ex:Precious, The Blind Side), it’s called sad, and we will boycott.

If very real situations are expressed in ways we aren’t used to OR just like the original (ex: For Colored Girls), we will boycott.

Black man is made out into the villain (every Tyler Perry movie made), we get mad, and we privately boycott (as we run to the movie theater to see a matinee).

If a movie is too “deep” (ex: Spike Lee movies) we get mad, say that Spike is an angry black man, and we boycott.

But look, this is the real.  Would it be nice if blacks went and watched Red Tails? Sure.  It’d be awesome.  It’d show Hollywood that we can do more than bootleg.  Will a lot of Blacks opt out and go see Underworld? Probably. 

You know what movie black folks were open-minded about?  Passion of the Christ. And I think that’s because it dealt with Jesus, and you know that’s something we as black folks like. Jesus. And Paula Deen.

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