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Monthly Archives: March 2011

What Not To Wear: Thick ‘Ems Edition

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We didn’t think we were going to have to do it, mainly because the winter months went so well, but it appears we must.

We here at the Council Against Tacky Thick Sisters (C.A.T.T.S.) feel that we cannot let these fashion blunders go on another year.  While we say the phrase “Just because they make it in your size, doesn’t mean you have to buy it” every year, it seems that you may need a bit of visual aid. Ladies, this is our visual PSA.

(shoutout to failblog for providing such good examples)

1) SUPER short dressed are never cute.

Ladies, please remember that your curves are your friend, so that means we don’t disrespect them.  Do us all a favor: Go ahead and use that extra 10 to get a dress that’s a bit longer.  Sure, your thighs won’t show as much, but at least “clit shots” won’t happen during the parties.

2) Too little tee shirts are not the business.

Now look, I understand a cute tank/black pants look, but if it don’t touch at least the TOP of the pants, don’t put it on…and then to wear a shirt with such a disgusting phrase. Really? All it takes is cake? Okay.

3) NO BUTT WRITING!!!!!!!!!!

Need I say more? I think not.

4) Death to the fish net craze

Ladies…stop. If it’s not a pair of stockings or bedroom wear, do NOT put on fish net and come out in public.  It’s traumatic for all involved.

5) Who wears short shorts? Not you ma’am.

In retrospect, short shorts on a thicky thick girl sounds like a great idea. But IF the booty is not toned, flat and the thighs are not cellulite free, do not…I repeat…DO NOT put those shorts on and walk out your house.

Got any questions, contact us here at C.A.T.T.S. We will be happy to assist you.

Regards,

Kit E. Jay

President, C.A.T.T.S. Internationl

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Open Mouth, Insert Foot

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Adrian, Adrian, Adrian.

Now, let me start off with this. I honestly don’t know if I agree with him or not.  There are certain parts of the NFL that will remind you of the pictures we’ve seen.  The Combine that happens does look a lot like the pics we see of slaves at the block: Men poking and weighing them, seeing how much they can lift, how high they can jump, etc. etc.  So I see that point.  But to compare the NFL to slavery…..meh…that may be a stretch.

I didn’t know that “slaves” (players) could talk to “overseers” (agents) and get moved to a new “plantation” (team).  I didn’t know that “slaves” got to openly talk to and bash “massa” (owners)…although sometimes, the slave will catch the “whip” (hefty fines) for disobeying the plantation rules (no hard hitting, blatant disrespect, etc).  But most of all, I didn’t know that “slaves” could sign contracts for 10 million dollars, not counting being able to be a “house slave” (endorsement deals).

Do I think that AP meant anything by it? To an extent. Everyone is taking jabs at everyone right now. Owners at players, players at owners.  So, he was trying to make a point, but picked the wrong word.

Maybe….”indentured servant” would have been a better choice….

Faux Outrage

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Spare me this outrage.

Spare me the speech that

You want to reach

All the kids in the streets

Of Saigon and Beirut;

But you think it’s cute

For our kids to dance to

“Make it rain, trick”.

See, physical poverty and dispair

Can’t compare to mental poverty and desperation.

Across the nation,

We raise cash for Haiti

Turn flips for Japan

But our fellow man

That’s in Detriot or Little Rock,

We have nothing for.

Native American land destroyed by floods

Beautiful people covered by mud

But all donated to

What Lady GaGa and Will I. Am

Stood for.

I’m disgusted to the core.

Not because of the giving

Because it all just seems in vain.

26 Lessons in 26 Years

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1. God never leaves nor forsakes. I just either refuse to listen or like taking “L”s.

2. The gift of gab is a precious gift. I almost let someone take it away. Never again.

3. Junior High and High School are what you make of it.

4. Band members have all the fun.

5. Keep your circle righteous, rugged, and real.

6. A disciplined mouth gets more done, yet an undisciplined one gets the attention.

7. All whites aren’t racist, and all blacks aren’t right.

8. My hair has always been a representation of me.

9. Lyrics stick with people forever. I can still quote Grand Master Flash and the Furiour Five without missing a beat.

10. There’s a difference between a girl, a woman and a lady.

11. Anything a man can do, a woman can. Might not be recommended, but hey….

12. Sometimes…just SOMETIMES…you can judge a book by its cover. Don’t doubt the gut.

13. Parents know best, even the idiotic ones.

14. Titles such as boyfriend/girlfriend/boss are overrated.

15. Be fearless. Who really knows that you are scared unless you tell?

16. Never take older relatives for granted.  The wisdom. The laughs. The lessons. Once gone, you can’t get ‘em back.

17. Sisters before Misters. My TRUE girls always come before some random cat that is just there for a season. Keep in mind. I just said RANDOM CAT.   Husbands/committed boyfriends are another story.

18. Education, career, title, church membership mean NOTHING. Being Rev-Brother-Pastor-Deacon-Doctor Jones means jack shit if you aren’t putting the things learned to beneficial work.

19. I have to open my own doors at times. Actually, it’s more like kick the door in. Hard.

20. Sticks and stones break bones, but words DO HURT. Who started the lie that they didn’t anyway???

21. Being you is always worth it. People either gonna love it or hate it. Let ‘em chose.

22. Sexuality is just one part of a person. It’s not the defining of that individual.

23. I had to learn to march alone or with a much smaller army. Like Gideon or Leonidus, sometimes it’s just you and your small group against the world, where the odds are stacked.

24. Everyone that says “friend” is not a friend, and everyone that says “enemy” won’t stay that way forever.

25. Love (as in, romantic love) is so freaking amazing. It really is. I’ve had a few loves in my life, and while I may not be with them, I’ll always love them….except that one dude. He can crip walk through hell with gasoline draws on. #deepdownbitter LOL

26. I found me when I stopped trying to be everyone else. When I stopped trying to wear my hair like this celeb, wasn’t talking in what was the “coolest” slang, and stopped feeling bad because I wasn’t wearing the most expensive clothes, I found me. I mean, truly found me.

 

Black Men and Flirting

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So, the other day, I was watching the Alicia Keys video “Unthinkable” and I got to thinking about black man/woman communications.  Have you ever paid attention to certain parts in the video? There are parts where Keys is flirting with the white boy, and it got me thinking.

When was the last time a black male flirted with me?  I mean, really flirted.

Now, I’m not talking that “Damn babygirl, you fine. Can I text you?” message that shows up in the Facebook inbox or in the Twitter DM.  That’s not flirting. Nor is flirting making every conversation about sex.  I mean, good old fashion, sit and talk about…nothing…type of flirting.  I mean that “Sit around, talk about life, and leave the coffee shop or the diner without fucking” type flirting.  I’m talking about the “I see him everyday at the store where I shop and we chop it up” type flirting.  I haven’t had a black man flirt with me in ages. White men, yes.  But black man…nah.

I was talking to my dude about it, and his answer is that we as black women don’t ALLOW black men to flirt.  “Ya’ll shut us down before we can get a word out, so we can beat around the bush. We have to be direct at all times.  You don’t allow us to be charming”.

So that got me thinking about the black woman.  Honestly, we are rather hard on black men when it comes to the first round of communication.  We are talking about a species of male that is often taught not to express himself. “Only punks talk about their feelings” is something I’ve heard in our community often.  When he does come at us nicely, we either a) don’t believe him at all or b) accept it, but think there is an ulterior motive.  We as black women are quick to tell a black man “don’t waste our time”, when in actuality, we weren’t doing anything anyway.  We aren’t doing anything but sitting on our butts, waiting on our baby daddy to act right, or waiting on the current boyfriend to get his life together. Or we are so busy holding on to past hurt, that we can’t just accept when a man wants the conversation of a stimulating females, nothing more, nothing less.  We force black men to be…direct…in the opening aspects of a potential relationship.

We don’t allow black men to be charming. There. I said it.

 

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